I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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