You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
