i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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