So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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