She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize