Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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