I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
