you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
