i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
