why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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