im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
