just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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