I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
