Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
