: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
