I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
