Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I will pee on everything he values.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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