shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
