I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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