Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
