wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
