It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize