my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
