I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
