I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
