Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
two words: eviction party
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
