I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
