Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
