Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize