Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
