At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize
