if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I touched a dick in church today
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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