the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
