She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
