new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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