You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
