playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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