he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
