my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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