i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
