the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
