Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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