i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
