omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Randomize
