I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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