just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize