Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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