Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
