I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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