It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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