whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
