there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize