He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
