so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And then he peed in my hair
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