Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
