Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
