38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
