I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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