I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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