I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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