i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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