I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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