Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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